In the past single mothers or mothers caught in less than perfect relationships (which, let's face it, means almost every mother) were accused of being cold and distant--too busy with their careers. Heaven forbid they work for a living and keep a roof over their heads rather than just live off public assistance which would give most if not all a better standard of living and more time with their precious children anyway. These hard working women, trying to be bread-winner, taxi driver, mother AND father were stretched parchment thin and dared to get four hours of sleep some nights or, heaven FORBID go out to a movie or even on a date, with a MAN every now and then, and THAT was why men were...you guessed it...cold and distant, with "fear of commitment". Those terrible, horrible women just did NOT have their priorities straight.
A generation or so later not only is psychiatric care geared toward the wealthy only, since they are the only ones who can afford it long-term, but we apparently have a brand new issue for the early twenty-first century, which, while explaining the EXACT SAME behavior in men, comes from the polar OPPOSITE behavior in their still and ever to be blamed (if more affluent) mothers. This one, however, has a vewwwy, vewwwy scAAAwwwy (not to mention titillating, prurient and sensationalist) moniker--EMOTIONAL INCEST!
WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK!
It's either incest or it isn't. Just like being dead or being pregnant, it's either incest or it isn't. There is no "kind of" with something that grave. A child has either been physically sexually violated by a parent or they have not; incest is not an iffy thing and it's not "emotional" ...although the ramifications for the victim certainly are, but that's an entirely different topic. One is not emotionally raped by a parent. Many forms of poor parenting exist. Many forms of attachment and personality disorder exist, but "emotional incest" is not among them. This is just inflammatory rhetoric designed with the express and SOLE purpose of separating people from their money.
No doubt this kind of gender revenge twist is quite lucrative because so many fathers commit actual incest against their daughters and sons, while of course most do not. I'm sure this kind of Freudian idiocy sells, but after a perusal of DSM's IV and V, and checking even more definitive and respected sources like Wikipedia and Google (yes, that was sardonic humor, get used to it) guess what? No such LEGITIMATE "diagnosis" (and I really hesitate in my professional or even personal capacity to even use that term in this context at all lest I give it ANY credence whatsoever) exists, nor do I expect it ever will.
The whole idea behind this nonsense is that because some women love their sons too much it puts too much emotional pressure on the poor child and he's unable to have normal relationships with women. Let me be clear here. We're not even talking about the grasping, clinging kind of woman for whom no woman will ever be good enough for her boy. Noooooo...these women parent too well in every way. They approve of their sons' decisions, encourage them to marry the woman of their choice and bond with that woman in a natural and loving way, they are supportive in the man's career choices, make no fuss about "empty nest syndrome" and if guilty of anything are just a damned tough act for any other woman to follow. To that I say too effing bad. Today's young women are pretty shallow and they take for granted what the sacrifices of former generations of women have won for them...like birth control and reproductive freedom and some semblance of work-place equality, and if they're not careful they're going to be so busy being memememememe that those Sarah Palin types with whom they're so smitten (because they're too busy shopping and partying to inform themselves on issues before voting) will take ALL those hard-won rights away...and I digress.
No matter how you look at it, loving a child too much and being too honest and supportive is not a disorder. It's called GOOD PARENTING and finding a reason to kick good mothers, who already have the middle name Guilt, when that parenting fails despite their best effort--just to make money--is CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE, or worse.
DSM categories already exist for when boundaries are crossed or for when mothers use children to meet their own unmet needs, so this is all a bunch of nonsense. I'm not talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder in which actual emotional abuse and/or neglect takes place (and in which everything is ALL ABOUT THE MOTHER and not at all about the child, in this case son, or his needs). That is a legitimate disorder, well documented, described and treatable with known and respected therapies and measurable and predictable outcomes.
On the other hand creating a bombastic diagnosis for a non-existent disorder, loving one's child, and I do not mean sexually, which is what INCEST MEANS, is just a means for low-brow, money grubbing psychologists to make a grab for the purses and wallets of poorly adjusted young men and mothers with available funds to spend on unnecessary counseling services. They are truly the equivalent of ambulance chasing attorneys except that no one really expects altruism or even morals or ethics from an attorney. They should be the very LEAST we expect from a mental health professional!
This non-issue is being wrongly used as an excuse for substance abuse and addiction with little mention made of the very REAL issue of same-sex-parent abandonment that DOES lead to substance abuse (and other identity issues and self destructive behavior up to and including suicide) in adolescents, especially in this current society of zero tolerance for any overt male behavior. I personally believe we need look no farther than some of those ridiculous laws in which things people fifty and over did as a normal part of the growing and learning process are now cause for DECADES of incarceration in the for-profit penal system. Why aren't men "men" these days? Look no farther than THAT! Get in a fist fight in school--you're EXPELLED. Zero tolerance. That is not even sane. Where are boys that age supposed to go with all that testosterone? They're not allowed to TOUCH girls, at ALL.
In fact as I write this a six year old boy has been charged with sexual harassment by his school (under the zero tolerance policy) for kissing a little girl's hand...you know like the prince does in all the story books little children of good parents have read to them at bed-time. Since WHEN is it criminal for an innocent little child to show affection, innocent affection, to another? Our society is sick--FOR PROFIT.
And rather than deal with that issue we'll just blame the mother as usual, usually a mother who has herself been the victim of ACTUAL sexual abuse of some kind at least once in her life and is doing all she can to raise the best kind of children she can in a world no longer at ALL even close to sane when it comes to how we treat our children or their parents or each other in general.
And that is my view from the fog this morning.
I should have added that this is dedicated to my beloved aunt, who managed to get herself through college, serve her country (and inspire me on my own path into similar service and healthcare) and raise two fine sons (not happenin') who turned into wonderful men despite the fact that they had an out of state, deadbeat dad. She literally sacrificed her life for her country (as did all veterans poisoned at Fort McClellan) yet never missed a football game, conference or concert for either of them while working 12-hour shifts in an Intensive Care Unit. All this as her body was slowly, painfully ravaged by the effects of Agent Orange, Sarin Gas, Ionized Radiation and God only knows what else the military carelessly used, stored and eventually disposed of at the base which was also the Biochemical/Nuclear Warfare Headquarters for the United States Army. They even intentionally concocted and injected female trainees (and others) with unknown/unknowable biochemical warfare toxins in direct human experimentation--for which these soldiers were not and ARE not, to this day, treated or compensated by the Veteran's Administration. We know everything about the Kardashians, and NOTHING about this national outrage. Would anyone CARE if they did?
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